Confidence…..

Self confidence is a very prized mindset that everybody wants to have. To be confortable with who you are and how you are in every circumstance and any situations. What people often don’t realise is that confidence is not something set in stone that you have or don’t have. I used to think that my confidence was getting better for example I was able to speak a little more and then when I had to speak in public, all this confidence disappear and I found myself disappointed that this confidence disappeared. Recently I learned 3 key things :

1. Confidence depends on the situation : you may be very confident for standing up for yourself but not confident at all when it comes to speaking in front of a group for example.
2. Confidence is a skill : when you gain confidence at something, keep cultivating this confidence otherwise you will lose it.
3. The only confidence that is not situational is core confidence : this confidence allows you to confront most of the situations with the feeling that no matter what happens, you will be able to handle it. I watched a video of Matthew Hussey, a dating/love expert the other day and he was talking about the different levels of confidence. One day, he found himself being jobless after the cancelation of a show in which he invested a whole year knowing that only one episode of the show ended up being aired. That would have been devastating, I know I would have felt horrible. Feeling sad and devastated, he still decided to go to the theaters to watch Iron Man. In the ending of the movie Iron Man, Tony Stark simply stated that that even without his toys, his armor or his house, he was still Iron Man. In his situation, Matthew reminded himself that this particular show didn’t make him, he was the show and even without it, he still had the skills and the knowledge that were valuable. Therefore, he could actually get a fresh start and build everything back again because he had confidence in who he was.

In most articles about gaining confidence, they tell you to think of all the things you have done, all the things that makes you worthy, all the people that loves you. My point is : What if you didn’t acheive anything and nobody really cares about you? Does that mean that you shouldn’t have any confidence in yourself? No. Your past may define who you are now but what you are doing determines who you will be. Believe that you have the potential and the ability to do what you desire. It usually starts small but gradually, you will build the confidence to go further and further.

So how you can cultivate confidence (the tips I try to apply every day) ,

1. Remind yourself everyday that no matter what happens today you can handle it ( it does not necessarily mean that you will be great at everything , but at least don’t let yourself be defeated)
2. Have faith ( whether it is in God, love , destiny, the universe or just yourself) , just trust that everything will be alright (at some point).
3. When you feel down and fell like giving up, or when you lose confidence, don’t beat yourself up. Accept the discomfort, the disappointment or the shame but pick yourself back up and go on with your life. Don’t let the negative self talk keep you down.
4. Remind yourself that mistakes and failures are human. Those mistakes don’t change your value as a human being. You are valuable by being not by doing.

Living alone means sometimes that you have to rely on yourself for a lot of thing, confidence is necessary to get you though life challenges.

Thank you for reading this post, let me know what are your tips to build your confidence.